Happy Days

I still remember your bright eyes when we first met
And when I said goodbye that night my heart felt that regret…
You thought there was more to this story and wouldn’t retreat
Oh what a rush it was being pursued…being swept off my feet!
A touch of madness, a bit of desperation and I ran to the mountains
With an eager man who just couldn’t wait…wearing gleaming white shoes :-)
You were disarming like a child and wore your heart on your sleeves
My heart just turned over…..the dams broke, the torrent unleashed.

I still remember that slow dreamy drive back from that vantage point
Where you showed me the snake flower and the misty valley ahead
It was a beautiful starlit sky at night, the bonfire, the wine, the joint
The magician was singing and weaving words…. I just sat, smiled and stared
Marveling at the opening through the clouds….that gleaming ray of a newborn dream
A prayer crept up my lips “God, let me live this beautiful fantasy forever.
Grant me your leave to love him and share this life. Please hear my silent scream!”
I did not wait. I jumped. I seized. I ran. Words pursued. “NO! NO! NEVER!”

We have been running ever since. I lay awake at nights trying to drown that Voice
Struggling within to reconcile myself to the tyranny of the impending Choice
The free love of the heavens which stirs my soul but provides an incomplete mortal life
Pitted against a simple life of daily deeds as A Human Being, A Daughter, A Mother, A Wife.
I turned to you for help and you showed me your empty hands and unhappy heart.
“Stop asking me these painful questions! Nobody can foresee the future at the start.
I am caught up in my own battles here. But I’m calling in Father Time and Lady Luck
They will unravel the mysteries and work out the details on getting us unstuck.”

Father Time sent me a Joyous Summer, a Pensive Fall, a Bitter Winter and a Hopeful Spring
I saw the sights they brought and the songs they sung and asked “What should I be doing?”
They held my hands and said “You seek answers from Time and he sends us your way.
But we are merely mirrors of your thoughts and actions… dark and gloomy or bright and gay.”
I turned to Lady Luck and she laughed, “Have you not heard it, Fortune favours the Bold?
I will be with you. Have the courage to chart your own course and you will strike gold.”
And thus I started walking stripped to the bones. I gave it all, I gave it more.
Fed by blind faith and nothing else…I walked not knowing what lies for us in store.

Suddenly I paused and found myself alone. I had been walking afraid to look back.
Little did I know that I was all by myself befuddled by the thickening fog
I stopped and cried aloud. What went wrong? Where did my love lack?
I was told I never understood you. You would much rather talk to your dog.
My love seemed like pity. My empathy a farce.
You had shut the door to your life on my face.
While I was living an illusion of being in your arms
Cocooned by the love and warmth of my happy days.

And I keep sneaking back even today. When the sun is harsh or the wind too cold.
I have my guilty pleasure. To get a little drunk from my happy days.