Baked Fish in Banana Leaf (Paturi)

Contributed by Arpita Basu

(Thanks Arpitadi, you are my first recipe blogger!)

Ingredients:(Serves 4)

*Banana leaves (each 10 in. x 10 in. approx.) 4 nos. The idea is to cook the fish in a banana-leaf envelope. But since banana leaves are not easily obtainable, I use aluminium foil instead. However, note that only banana leaves can bring that the distinctive aroma of paturi.

*Fish 500 gms. (8 pieces) In India, typically Bowal, Pabda, Bhetki and Hilsa are used. But I have used Cod, Haddock and Shrimps too and they taste equally good. Remember to remove all scales and bones.

*Cooking oil (mustard oil) 2 ½ tbsp. Mustard oil is a must, it brings that much needed zing to the dish.

*Mustard paste or powder 2 tbsp.

*grated coconut 4 tbsp.

*Ginger paste 1 tsp.

*Green chilly paste 1 tsp.

*Green chilly (sliced longitudenally into two) 2 nos.

*Turmeric powder ½ tsp.

*Salt to taste

Procedure:

Add all ingredients (except the banana leaves) together and mix well. Marinate the fish in the mixture and keep refrigerated for atleast 2 hours. Grease the banana leaves or aluminium foils with little bit of mustard oil. Place a single fillet of marinated fish and put a slice of green chilli on top. Now make all the parcels similarly. If using banana leaves, tie the parcels with the help of a string. Pre-heat the oven at 200 degrees. Place the parcels in the pre-heated oven for about 15 to 20 minutes. And voila!!! Your fish is ready!!! Enjoy with steamed rice!! Yummy!!

Completing with an old friend....

Dear S,

I tried calling you today. Anyways let me begin by saying I have been struggling to write this mail and have been postponing it since January when the thought first came to my mind.
I attended a course- the Landmark forum, in January. Frankly, I didn't 'go' as much as I was 'forced to go' as part of an office training program. What I expected out of it was just to get my insistent boss and colleague off my back and perhaps to learn a couple of interesting things about living life ….I even thought it was something like the Art of Living course. But what I got out of it was actually a lot of clarity on my life especially my relationships- with my parents, brother, colleagues, friends…. I realized where I was being inauthentic and where I was being held back because of certain perspectives or interpretations.
For example, after we broke off, and you said that we could not interact on a day-to-day basis, I had a complaint against you that you have "abandoned" our friendship just because you could not accept the fact that our relationship in the previous form was over. I thought that you were being "emotionally dependent" and not willing to go on in life. But after doing the Landmark Forum course I realized that I was actually somewhere trying to make you wrong. I had already assumed that the "right" thing to do under such circumstances was to accept, adapt quickly and move on. In fact, I was not being a friend in accepting your situation as just being that- a situation which I needed to let you be in.
The impact that it had on my life was that I ended up losing a good friend and blaming him for the loss instead of realizing that I myself had created the "stories" in my head which led to the death of our friendship.
Also, I need to tell you that I had been inauthentic in my commitment to you at the very beginning. I realize that there is no "trying" in a relationship. Perhaps, saying that "let's try and see if it works", is a cop out.You either commit to something or you don't. Maybe I was hasty in declaring my love for you. My present understanding of love is that it is truly accepting the other person the way he/she is and loving him/her without any expectations. I never reached that point with you, S. Not just that, I never did try to accept you…the little voice in my head took over and kept telling me things like "he is emotionally dependent", "he doesn't have a mind of his own", "he is insecure", "I'm smarter than him"....blah blah blah. How could I listen to you, S, when I was listening to that stupid little voice all the time? I realize it now and I would like to apologise to you for not being alive to this inauthenticity.

Also, I would like to thank you for truly accepting me the way I was when we were together. I appreciate how non-judgmental you've been with me and how you've been self-expressed in your care for me.

Finally, let me clarify that I just wanted to complete this issue in my past. I wish you find love and happiness in your life. As far as friendship is concerned- there is no "trying"- I give you my word on this. Give me a call anytime you want to talk to an old friend.

Thanks for hearing me out.

Take care.
Sharmishtha

The limitation of strong suits

We discussed "strong suits" in our last Landmark session. For those who are wondering what it is, a simple explanation- it is a strength which has helped us get success in our life. What I understood is that these strong suits actually start as a survival mechanism sometime in our life....usually as a response to our mind telling us, "There is something wrong here".

Take for example, my strong suits, being intelligent/rational/analytical(the exact term is not important....as long as you get the point) and independent. If I look back into my early childhood (I was perhaps 3-4 years old), I can recollect very clearly this scene....a glass of spilt milk by my side....my mother asking me,

"Why have you spilt the milk?"

Me getting scared and blurting, "No, it wasn't me. It was a cat."

SLAP!

"You are a really bad girl. You are lying. You don't drink your milk. You create so much problems....you don't listen to me...you don't eat what I tell you to eat....Look at your brother- I never have any problems with him."

So there and then, my four-year-old brain processes-

"There is something wrong with me. I am a bad girl and a problem-child." And then the final declaration.... "MY MOTHER DOESN'T LOVE ME."

So boohoohoo! Big deal! Each of us goes through this, right? Well, yeah, but I am trying to link it to my strong suit, so bear with my ramblings just a little longer...

Now soon after this, I come back home with my report card with high scores in all subjects and topping my class. Then the same mother (who doesn't love me, remember) says to my brother,

"Look at your sister. She has come first in class. I never have to look at her studies. She is very intelligent and does it all by herself".

And ting tong, my little four-year-old brain processes again,

"My mother will love me as long as I am intelligent and do my work on my own."

Voila- the birth of my strong suits!

Well, it sounds a bit simplistic...there are other events here and there which kept reinforcing these strong suits. Another example....

Now I am seven years old, my mother, worried about my brother not doing well at school and my father's transferable job, goes to Calcutta for a couple of months to coach him for a boarding school entrance exam. I stay back with my father. Every evening I would be scared to sit in our usual study room at the back of the dark bungalow (one of those old govt. colony houses). So I would take my books and sit in the drawing room, studying and waiting for my father to come back from office. Our neighbour, Chandramouli aunty, would ask me to come and study with her daughters but I would refuse. I wrote several long letters to my mother filling up the blue inland-letters you used to get in those days....even the little space in the side flaps...and wait for her replies. And the post cards from her side would come. "Dear Mamoni, How are you? Hope you are studying and eating properly. Affly Ma." My mother's inability to express herself in letters got translated further to my 7-yr-old brain as "She doesn't care for me. She is with my brother taking care of him. I am on my own and I need to take care of myself."

Well I could go on and on because by now 'the little voice in my head' would interpret vigorously every statement, action and incident and I had stopped distinguishing between that interpretation and what happened. But you get the picture, right?

So I think my strong suits are intelligence and independence. Great, huh? Well, ummm..yeah...in many cases these strong suits are useful and have given me whatever little success I've got in life-But unfortunately strong suits tend to become all-pervasive and could be limiting as I discovered recently. Even in relationships, groups, I tend to use my strong suits and I was not even aware of this. So I have to analyse and be 'intelligent' with my friends, colleagues. My way of winning my mother's love/approval by being intelligent continues as a pattern here as well. And of course I have to be 'independent'. I would look askeance at my ex-boyfriend's "emotional dependence" (my little voice working overtime in every conversation we had).....Can you imagine what a handicap this can become!!!

But now that I know better, am I supposed to be "free" from the handicap of my strong suits? Well, I don't think it works quite like that. But I suppose it could be liberating for me, just by being conscious of it. The other day when I went shopping for my grocery, I came out laden with 4 super-heavy bags (they felt like 15kgs each!!), my super-heavy laptop, my handbag and my handset (which I HAVE to carry in my hand...don't ask me why). As usual I was struggling with these and dancing like a maniac trying to catch the attention of a passing auto rickshaw when suddenly, I realised what an ass I was being. All my life, my male friends, colleagues, family members have tried in vain to lend a helping hand at airports, railway stations or market places...I would refuse their help proudly and give them my usual dialogue- "I have a principle- Don't get things which you can't carry on your own." Why was I being this pig-headed champion of independence all my life???? Well, why why why???? Hee hee hee...Anyways I just asked the guard standing next to me to hail an auto and hold a couple of the bags and I actually felt good about it- the first time in my life!!!! So here's to a new possibility- of being interdependent and collaborative- Cheers! :-)