SERVQUAL in the context of Relationships (?)

My colleague has been working in the area of Service Quality and shared a few nuggets on this subject yesterday. He talked of 5 key dimensions to judge service quality as propounded by Parasuraman, Zeithaml and Berry in their famous SERVQUAL method. A net search yields description of the dimensions as given below-

• Tangibles - physical facilities, equipment, staff appearance, etc.


• Reliability - ability to perform service dependably and accurately


• Responsiveness - willingness to help and respond to customer need


• Assurance - ability of staff to inspire confidence and trust


• Empathy - the extent to which caring individualized service is given

And understandably, in pure service industries the tangibles are greatly outweighed by the other 4 intangible parameters. The SERVQUAL technique can be used for performing a gap analysis of an organisation’s service performance against customer service quality needs and is based on the customer’s perceptions.
I couldn't help but reflect that this is generally true of any relationship and not just that between a customer and a service provider. So coming to our everyday personal relationships I equated the parameters in the following fashion-

• Reliability-You can depend upon your friend to do as he/she says will do....big or small promises are kept. So whether it is a promise to call or meet or do something together or to carry out a task.....how often are these promises kept?


• Responsiveness- Your friend is willing to help and respond during your times of need....sometimes it's lending an ear when you want to talk, sometimes a shoulder to lean on when you feel weak, sometimes it's merely a smile, a hug or a comforting presence when you are feeling low/lonely.....sometimes it's helping you when you are in a fix or under stress. (Apparently the top 5 reasons for stress in a person's life are death of a close relative, disease, shifting jobs, houses and changes in key relationships.)


• Empathy- Is your friend able to give you individualized care? Is he/she able to understand you and act accordingly to make you feel cared for? There are friends who are able to put themselves in your shoes and know exactly what u need at that point of time. They know when u want to be left alone and when u need to be coaxed out of your shell. They know exactly how u need to be pampered when u r sick or hurting inside.


• Assurance- Whether the friend inspires trust and confidence through actions/words/overall demeanour. Is there honesty and authenticity in the relationship? I also feel somewhere this is a function of the other factors being consistently met over a period of time and perception based on the person's overall actions in life. So if a friend is reliable, responsive and empathetic with you and in general in life, somewhere the trust builds up. On the other hand a person you initially perceive to be honest and truthful and yet over a period of time you find not being very reliable, responsive or empathetic ceases to inspire trust or confidence. (I'm reminded of the 'emotional bank account' metaphor which my ex-boss and guru, Dharen, used to talk about in Momentum. See below for a brief description of this concept)

I guess if there is a friend who comes out with flying colours in these 4 aspects is worth holding on to for a lifetime. And tangibles over and above these qualities (maybe....physical appearance, material possessions, gifts, etc. associated with this relationship) are secondary issues. Perhaps you are wasting your time if these key pillars are missing in a relationship. Yes, you will of course have casual friends and acquaintances in this world. However, it's wise to understand the nature of the relationship and make your choices in life accordingly. So you know where to invest your time, emotions and energy.
The interesting thing about relationships is that there are two parties at work here....So while you are assessing your friend, it is necessary that you examine yourself in the relationship as well. How would you rate yourself as a friend in turn? A tough task...so hard to be objective about this one. Hmmm.....
Ever thought about this....what we put so earnestly at work in our professional lives (most of us do try to be reliable, responsive, empathetic and trustworthy to our colleagues or customers), is so difficult to practise in our personal lives. Maybe the sad truth is that somewhere we forget the importance of those key people in our lives- our friends, family and loved ones. Look around you...so many successful and respected professionals all around with a lonely and unloved personal life. We start our lives with the booster dose of love from our parents who are programmed to love us without any expectations. Beyond that are relationships which we create and hence need to work upon.
My life is full of such wrong choices....but this is not the time or place to rue that fact. I would like to acknowledge some of those friends who made such a lot of difference at various stages of my life.....Litu, Divya, Rinki, Sayantani, Onjus, Goosie, Nive, Lara, Pavi, Saumi, Yogi, Nupur, Subrata, Richa, Doel and Tinni. I wish I could rate myself as highly as I rate each of you as a friend. But I learn each day and I will keep trying.
Love
Sharmishtha

Note: Emotional Bank Account

An emotional bank account is a metaphor that describes the amount of trust that’s been built up in a relationship. It’s the feeling of safeness that you have with another human being.
If I make deposits into an emotional bank account with you through courtesy, kindness, honesty, and keeping my commitments to you, I build up a reserve. Your trust towards me becomes higher, and I can call upon that trust many times if I need to. I can even make mistakes and that trust level, that emotional reserve, will compensate for it. My communication may not be clear, but you’ll get my meaning anyway. You won’t make me ‘an offender for a word.’ When the trust account is high, communication is easy, instant and effective.

But if I have a habit of showing discourtesy, disrespect, cutting you off, overreacting, ignoring you, becoming arbitrary, betraying your trust, threatening you, or playing little tin god in your life, eventually my Emotional Bank Account is overdrawn. The trust level gets very low....Then what flexibility do I have ?